Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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