I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
