I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
