I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
