Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
