11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
