$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
