I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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