just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
