do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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