ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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