Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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