Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
