Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My life is pants optional.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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