i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
