Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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