Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
