you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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