there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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