Kiss
Puke
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
