Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
