i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
