You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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