Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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