i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
