Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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