you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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