We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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