So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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