Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
