i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We have started to decorate penises.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
