I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
