i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Watching her eat just hurts me
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
