We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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