i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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