I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
