just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We were destined to go to rehab together
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
