Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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