I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
In America we eat man semen.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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