6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
