but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
