shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Randomize
