i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
