I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
