I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
