My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
