i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
