I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I currently don't understand fingers.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
