I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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