I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
